I'm Getting Round

Round, round, getting round, I’m getting round!
Round, round, getting round. I’m getting round!

I’m getting round, yes I am,
With every piece of pie, every slice of ham.

Oh, I love good cooking each and every day;
When I’m headed for the kitchen, don’t get in my way!

I decided long ago that I would never be svelte.
I keep an extra knife and fork hooked on my belt.
I’m getting round, every day,
With every meal I eat, and all I pack away.

I’m getting round, getting round, round, round, ooh!

My favorite place to go is a Sunday brunch,
‘Cause you show up for breakfast and you stay for lunch.

I don’t wanna count calories any more.
I’d rather count my meals; then I can stop at four!

I’m getting round, here I go.
If you stick around, then you can watch me grow!

I’m getting round, ooh…
Round, round, getting round, I’m getting round.
Round, round, getting round, I’m getting round.

I’m getting round, yes, I do,
If you eat like me, you can be hefty, too.

I’m getting round, like a ball,
So even if I trip, I don’t have far to fall.

I’m getting round!

[Top of Page]

A Loan Again, Naturally

In a little while from now, after I fix the plow,
I promised myself I’d get cleaned up and take a trip to town.
I’m not going to the café – it’s not that time of day –
And I don’t need parts, so I won’t be going to the John Deere dealer.
I’m headed for the bank, on my knees, to ask for money,
Because my crops all failed again, even though it’s sunny.
(OR because my crops, they look so bad, it’s not even funny)
When you farm like me, then you always need
A LOAN AGAIN, NATURALLY.

My prize bull got the flu, and my wife and child, did, too,
The clutch got stuck on my pickup truck and I drove it in the slough.
I thought I’d make cash to spare selling bratwurst at the fair;
Oh! How good it looked! But it was undercooked, and we all got salmonella.
What money that we’ve got paid for shots for half the county,
And now I hide inside the house, because there is a bounty.
With all that’s going wrong, the bank’s where I belong,
For A LOAN AGAIN, NATURALLY.

It seems like everything that’s gone wrong
Could have gone wrong; they way I’m farming is so alarming,
What do I do? Oh, doo-be-doo.

INSTRUMENTAL SOLO
I’m up to here in debt, and so I gotta get
A loan again, naturally.

Some lightning burned my hay, my chickens all ran away,
The cows got faint, and drank some paint, and now their milk is gray.
My tractor wouldn’t run. I shot it with a gun,
But the warden came from the fish and game,
Said I was hunting out of season.
I know that I was here just last year, but I need lending,
And I don’t want to break the rules, just do a little bending.
(ALT. Oh, I just want the cash I got to keep up with my spending)
I’m really in a spot; I need more than I’ve got,
I need a loan again, naturally.
I need a loan again, naturally.

EXTRA LYRICS
We had to fix the fridge, my crops all caught the midge,
I dumped my swather/combine in the creek while driving ‘cross the bridge.
The market price collapsed, and half my cows prolapsed…

I can only pray the farm bill’s on its way
I need A LOAN AGAIN, NATURALLY.

My checkbook’s in arrears;
It’s been one of those years,
For A LOAN AGAIN, NATURALLY.

My farm is in the red,
There’s termites in my shed.
Give me A LOAN AGAIN, NATURALLY.

My chickens need some feed (I gotta buy some feed),
And so I going to need
A LOAN AGAIN, NATURALLY.

ALTERNATE V. 3
My combine threw a clutch; the rooster needs a crutch.
I bought some hay just yesterday and had to pay too much.
The tractor wouldn’t run; I shot it with a gun,
The cows got faint, and drank some paint, and now their milk is yellow.

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Super Cattle Growth Hormone

I was a cattle grower who was really in the pits;
My herd was all so scrawny, I thought I'd call it quits.
But then one day I heard about this chemical technique;
I fed some to my cows, and now I'm rancher of the week!

Super cattle growth hormone can make your beef delicious,
It's the answer to a lot of starving ranchers' wishes.
If you use it long enough, they'll always be nutritious;
Super cattle growth hormone can make your beef delicious!

Because to have your calvies weak is really pretty sad,
So to make their muscles tweak is not so very bad.
I'll tell you about some chemicals -- they'll really save the day.
Just buy all that the salesman has, and mix it with their hay -- hey!
(ALT: If you have a scrawny herd, then here's what you should do;
They'll make your cows turn out to be as big as Salem Sue!)

Super cattle growth hormone can make your beef delicious;
You'll be putting additives in all the calvies' dishes.
If you feed them long enough, they’ll always be nutritious;
Super cattle growth hormone can make your beef delicious!

It might seem unethical to treat your cows this way,
To add an extra factor to that bovine DNA.
But it will work for animals your whole farm around;
I fed some to my chickens -- now their eggs weigh 50 pounds!

Super cattle growth hormone can make your beef delicious;
You should use it if you want your cows to be ambitious.
If you feed them long enough, they'll always be nutritious.
Super cattle growth hormone can make your beef delicious

Super cattle growth hormone can make your beef delicious.
Souping up the silage is the answer to your wishes.
If your cows have seven legs it might make you suspicious, but
Super cattle growth hormone can make your beef delicious.
Super cattle growth hormone can make your beef delicious!

[Top of Page]

Tracks of John Deere

V. 1
People say I’m the pride of the county, ‘cause I plow my rows so straight
But if the tractor was gone that I’m depending on, oh, I’d have a horrible fate.

CH:
So take a good look at my yard,
You don’t have to look so very hard,
If you look closer you’re bound to see
THE TRACKS OF JOHN DEERE.
I need my Deere to be here.

V. 2
If might see me driving other tractors, well, I guess that they’re okay, ja, sure;
But Allis-Chalmers or Case just cannot take the place
Of the make of tractor I prefer.

CHORUS
So take a good look at my yard,
You don’t have to look very hard.
If you look closer, you’ll probably spot/that’s when you’ll see
THE TRACKS OF JOHN DEERE.

BRIDGE
The drive, it’s automatic.
The clutch, it’s hydrostatic.
Oh, Deere, I’ll never shut you down.
You just cannot factor the worth of my tractor to me!

CHORUS AND FADE

ALTERNATE VERSE LYRICS
The __(brand of tractor)_ just coughed and wheezed; I think it was allergic to hay.

And my dear FarmAll, it wouldn’t farm at all, we had to have it towed away.
The Allis-Chalmers made me feel calmer, but it froze up and would not run;
The Minneapolis Moline, once ran real clean, but I had to shoot it with a gun.

If you see me on some other tractor, an Oliver or old A-C (or IHC)
It’s just a stopgap measure; it gives me no pleasure;
The Deere’s the one for me

I drive with pride; the seat is extra-wide,

[Top of Page]

Mr. Dairy Farm Guy

VERSE 1
A long, long time ago, I can still remember when I milked a dairy herd.
And, day or night, in sun or rain, you’d find me in the barn again, so happy I’d be singing like a bird.
But from its high and lofty summit,
The milk price it began to plummet;
From Ashley up to Moffit**, we couldn’t make … a profit.
I can’t remember if I cried when I set that last milk pail aside,
But something touched me deep inside
The day … the mooing… died.

CHORUS
So, Bye-bye, Mr. Dairy Farm Guy,
See you later, separator; kiss the milk pail goodbye. (All the stalls are empty and the milk pail is dry)
And my poor old bull could only stand there and cry
Singing "This'll be the day that I die, this'll be the day that I die."

VERSE 2
I just kept the bulls and steers, and I drove those milk cows through my tears
To a local auction barn.
Oh, and driving, I could hardly speak, for they had an auction once a week,
And I knew that in a few days it would all be done.
And as I thought how they'd disperse, my feelings kept on getting worse.
Those hairy heads were bobbing; I was in the pickup sobbing;
I played the horn, the wipers, and the radio, and I looked for small rocks I could throw,
But I knew I just had to go the day the mooing died.

CHORUS
So bye-bye, mister dairy farm guy,
See you later, separator, kiss your milk pail goodbye,
And my poor old bull could only stand there and cry,
Saying, "This’ll be the day that I die, this’ll be the day that I die.”

VERSE 3
Now if you asked me, I'd be glad for sure that I won't be tracking fresh manure
On my wife's new kitchen floor.
You see, that auction cash, it went real far, we bought a brand-new old used car,
And the bathroom isn't outside any more.
But I would gladly trade it all just to see those cows back in the stall (ALT. those milk cows in the stall)
That swinging bag that greets me, it’s the one thing that completes me.
I’d move the biffy back outdoors, and go back to cold, bare wooden floors,
‘Cause there’s this big gap in my chores, ever since the mooing died.

CHORUS
So bye-bye, Mister dairy farm guy,
All the cows are at the auction and the stalls are all dry,
And my poor old bull just wipes a tear from his eye,
Saying, “This’ll be the day that I die, this’ll be the day that I die.”

FINAL VERSE
I remember I was barely two when my papa showed me what to do,
How to get milk from a cow.
I watched his hands both slide and squeeze with the milk pail tucked between his knees,
And it wasn't long before I too knew how.
I milked all day and through the night, grabbing every bag in sight;
I milked just like the dickens: the goats and sheep…and chickens!
It made me who I am today, with callused hands that smell like hay;
But now my passion’s gone away, because the mooing's died.

CHORUS
So bye-bye, Mister dairy farm guy,
All the cows are at the auction and the stalls are all dry,
And my poor old bull just wipes his paw with his eye.
Saying, “This’ll be the day that I die, this’ll be the day that I die.”

CHORUS
So bye-bye, mister Dairy Farm Guy,
See you later, separator, kiss your milk pail goodbye.
And my poor old bull could only stand there and cry, saying
“This’ll be the day that I die, this’ll be the day that I die.”

**Ashley is a German farm community of about 1,000 located 40 miles southeast of Mylo’s hometown of Strasburg; Moffit is 40 miles north of Strasburg, and has maybe enough people to get up a football game.

VERSE 4 (EXTRA LYRIC)
Helter-skelter in the shelter belt, or
Down by the shed, I scratch my head (ALT. Down by the silo, there stands Mylo)
Looking for something to do.
You see, I love my farm, don’t get me wrong,
But if I can’t milk/without my milking, the day’s too long,
And I always have this extra hour or two.
We don’t have mountains I can climb, and you can’t fix fences all the time!
(ALT. I don’t like gardening, I can’t sew,
And in town there’s just no place to go.)
My knees are sore and knobby from praying for a hobby.
I don’t play pool, I stink at cards,
I’m tired of working in the yard,
Without the girls, it’s just too hard,
Ever since the mooing died.

[Top of Page]

Instrumental with Singing

Du, du liegst mir im Herzen,
Du, du liegst mir im Sinn.
Du, du macht mir viel Schmerzen
Weisst nicht, wie gut ich dir bin.

CHORUS
Ja, ja, ja, ja weisst nicht, wie gut ich dir bin.
Ja, ja, ja, ja weisst nicht, wie gut ich dir bin!

NOTE: This is a traditional German folk song about unrequited love.
A rough translation:

You fill my heart
You fill my thoughts
(Or: You fill up my senses – maybe John Denver got his idea from here?)
You cause me such sorrow,
(Because) you don’t know how much I love you.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, you don’t know how much I love you.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, you don’t know how much I love you.

[Top of Page]

Chust You and I

Just (pronounced “Chust”) you and I,
Cleaning the barn together.
Eggshells and straw,
Cowpies and chicken feathers.
We’ll take all night, just you and I.

Just you and I,
Running the front-end loader.
This barn is so old,
I’d like to just explode her.
She’d blow up real good, just you and I.

And I remember the first time we tried
To pile it up deep and wide,
It was too heavy to sweep outside.
And now, this mess is even more;
It’s so big it blocks the door.
At least we can see the floor.

Just you and I
Stuck in the loft together.
The ladder fell down!
We’ll be up here forever.
We’re stuck here all night, just you and I.

And I remember we scraped the walls,
And cleaned out the milking stalls,
‘Til we couldn’t breathe at all.
And, ja, we did the work of ten;
We stink like I don’t know when.
We’ll never do this again.

We cleaned it, you and I.

EXTRA LINES FOR BRIDGE:
And I remember the piles we made; we piled it up in the shade, and then we had lemonade.
And now the barn, she is looking right, but we really are a sight; we’ll both need a bath tonight.
OR: And, ja, we cleaned out the milking stalls,
‘Til we couldn’t breathe at all;
That cow’s like a waterfall!

[Top of Page]

Cropdusters In The Sky

An old biplane went flying out one dark and cloudy day,
A can of Roundup on each wing as he went on his way.
When all at once he saw a tiny patch of leafy spurge.
He sent the biplane diving down – he got the spraying urge!

CH.
Get out of the way – he flies so low.
Cropdusters in the sky.

He had an old silk stocking wrapped around his scrawny neck.
He said it was his lucky charm: he’d never had a wreck.
He had a fancy picture painted on his fuselage;
It was a reproduction – of a ’57 Dodge.

CH.
“Uff-da, me” (I’m bilingual!), look at that sucker go!
Cropdusters in the sky.

He mowed himself a runway from a level fallow field.
His job was helping farmers to improve their summer yield.
He wore a leather helmet that was too small for his head;
And his trusty biplane – he parked it by the shed.
(ALT. The biplane he called Lulu – his helmet’s name was Fred.)

CH.
It’s time to spray; he’s flying slow!
Cropdusters in the sky.

INSTRUMENTAL SOLO

His first day on the job he thought that things were going fine,
Until he took a turn too late and snapped a power line.
The sparks, they went a-flying; he said, “Oh, woe is me!
I’ll have to give up all my pay – to the REC*.”

A sudden gust of wind came up and put him in a spin.
He spun around and swirled around and smacked an old grain bin.
He caromed off the silo; he crashed into the barn;
His luck had finally left him – I guess he bought the farm!

CH.
2-4,D high, 2-4,D low!
Cropdusters in the sky.
Cropdusters in the sky.

*Note: REC is an acronym for Rural Electric Cooperative, a member-owned utility formed to provide electric power to farmers and other rural residents. RECs can be found all across the nation. KEM Electric serves the area around Strasburg, where Mylo lives.

[Top of Page]

Keep Milking 'Til You're Done

VERSE ONE:
Once I was milking and I had to use the outhouse,
I came out and just forgot what I’d been doing
I scratched my head, and then I think that I remembered
It was time to change the oil on the pickup.
I checked the tires, and cleaned the bird poop off the hood,
But there were cows still stuck just waiting in the barn.
They waited there so long that when I finally finished them
One was sleeping and I had to milk her laying down.

CHORUS ONE:
So don’t delay, keep on, the milk is running out.
And on the farm, the milk is what it’s all about
I know sometimes the chores you do are not any fun,
But don’t give up, you might as well KEEP MILKING ‘TIL YOU’RE DONE.

VERSE TWO:
Twenty-five minutes ago you got up from the milk stool
(You) said your back was sore, and you had to check the weather
So you’d know if you could do some plowing later --
But now you’re parked in front of the refrigerator.
There’s still a cow out there you haven’t finished yet,
Yet here you are inside, reading auction ads
You see a tile that needs replacing on the kitchen floor
But that cow’s udder is so heavy that she’s getting sore!

CH TWO:
Put down your snack – get back to what you oughtta do
The only place to be is where the cows go “moo”
This afternoon there’s time to play accordion,
But not right now – you might as well KEEP MILKING ‘TIL YOU’RE DONE.

VERSE THREE:
You tore your brand-new overalls while picking apples
Got a blister on your hand fixing the truck
You need relief, and, yes, you need some comfort, too;
You take a break before the milking’s through.
You’ll lose your place, forget which cow you’re working on,
Or they’ll get out, and when you find ‘em they’ll be gone.
You can’t remember -- is the pail half-empty or half-full?
With such a memory you’ll probably try to milk the bull!

CHORUS THREE:
So don’t give up, keep on, the cows are running out.
And on the farm, the milk is what it’s all about
I know sometimes the chores you do are not any fun,
But don’t you quit; YOU MIGHT AS WELL KEEP MILKING ‘TIL YOU’RE DONE.
YOU MIGHT AS WELL KEEP MILKING ‘TIL YOU’RE DONE.

ALTERNATE CHORUS
So don’t forget, keep on, until the milk is all gone,
If you’re not done ‘til noon, it means you’re taking too long.
A German always wants to finish what he’s begun,
So as for you, you might as well KEEP MILKING ‘TIL YOU’RE DONE/

(SPOKEN OVER INSTRUMENTAL INTRO? PROBABLY NOT, BUT MAYBE)
When you’re on the farm, there’s a long list of chores you have to do every day --
Feeding animals, crop watching, maintaining your machinery and vehicles, gathering eggs, minding the orchard and the pigs, cleaning up after the animals – and especially getting the milking done. Now milking takes a while, and sometimes you have the urge to quit for a while and go do something else, but don’t you dare! I’ll tell you why….

[Top of Page]

Return To Slender

Return to slender, return to slender.

V. 1
I saw my family doctor – I will until I’m dead –
He really gave me a lecture, and this is what he said:
My doctor told me:

CH.
Return to slender, you must cut down,
Return to slender, drop fifty pounds.
I dropped a couple, my pants went slack,
But when I just ate normally, the weight kept coming back.

V. 2
I tried to do some aerobics; that was a day I dread.
I got so sore and achy, I had to eat in bed!
Because I’m gonna:

CH.
Return to slender, waistline unknown,
No such pant size; my, how you’ve grown!

BRIDGE:
It’s really hard to check my weight, to know if I succeed or fail.
There’s only one place I can weigh myself: the livestock auction scale!
ALT: the elevator scale!

LAST V.
I really did some losing; my pants no longer split.
I’m gonna get so skinny, my socks don’t even fit!
Because I wanna:

CH.
Return to slender, no cake, no pies.
Return to slender, drop one more size!
Return to slender – you know I wanna…
Return to slender – I really gotta…
Return to slender, waistline unknown!

[Top of Page]

Hot Dogs on a Bun

V. 1
Goodbye to you, my little hen.
You’ve laid my eggs since I was nine or ten.
Together we’ve had whites and yolks,
Had some fun and told some jokes,
Gone to town to see the folks.

V. 2
Goodbye, my hen, it’s hard to move
When we was finally getting in the groove.
But daddy’s bought a brand-new farm,
So we’re packing all our things, going to move to south of Wishek.*

CHORUS
We had joy, we had fun, we had hot dogs on a bun,
But the sun, she went down, so we drove on back to town.

V. 3
Goodbye, old Bessy, full of milk.
You worked for me, oh, just as smooth as silk.
You never kicked me in the head,
Always heard just what I said,
Never got me out of bed.

V. 4
Goodbye, old, Bess, it’s time to go,
‘Least that’s what Daddy says, I just don’t know.
It’s time to go load up the truck.
I know you wish us lots of luck;
I just hope we don’t get stuck.

CHORUS #2
We had joy, we had fun, we had hot dogs on a bun,
But the baked beans were cold, and the pretzels had some mold.

CHORUS #2b
We had joy, we had fun, we had hot dogs on a bun,
But the sun, she went down, so we drove on back to town.

CHORUS #2c
All day long we had fun, we had hot dogs on a bun,
But a bee bit my sister and my big toe got a blister.

*NOTE: Wishek is a German farm community, similar to Strasburg, but a little bigger, located about 40 miles east of Strasburg in Macintosh County, ND. Macintosh County has the highest life expectancy of any county in the United States. Some say it’s because of all that sauerkraut. Ashley (mentioned in “Mr. Dairy Farm Guy”) is also in Macintosh County, and is a great place for pheasant and duck hunting in the fall.

[Top of Page]

They're All coming Back to Me Now

There were nights when my hands were so cold,
That I couldn’t get the milk out of the cows, ‘cause they just shrank up when I touched them.
There were days when the wind was so strong, that the drops of milk would hit the ground –
I had to take the pail and milk ‘em sideways.
I do the milking every morning about six,
Then I send them all back out into the pasture;
Then, later in the afternoon, I do it all again!

CH.
But when I touch them like this, and I milk them like that,
I can send them away, but they’re all coming back to me.
Ja, here comes the herd; they don’t say a word.
I know them by name, and they’re all coming back to me.
(They’re all coming back, they’re all coming back to me now.)
There’s Bossy and Daisy, here comes Edna and Pearl;
There’s the one who lost her baby, she is such a brave girl.
There’s a cow with only three teats, but I also have two or three with five.

CH.
Ja, you know that when I milk them like this, and I squeeze them like that,
I can send them away, but they’re all coming back to me.
A little pat on the flank, and I tug, I don’t yank,
I treat them so well, that they’re all coming back to me,
They are under my spell, and they’re all coming back to me,
I put up with the smell, and they’re all coming back to me now.

One time they got away and ran out on the road.
And they almost got run over by the mailman.
I had to bring them back again, and count them one by one.

CH.
But when I touch them like this, and I milk them like that,
I can send them away, and they’re all coming back to me.
There’s hay in the loft, and they’re mooing so soft.
Though I milk twice a day, they’re still all coming back to me.
(They’re all coming back, they’re all coming back to me now.)
Many years ago I tried one of those milking machines.
That’s a thing I’d never do again, though at the time it seemed right.
Oh, it made the girls unhappy/uncomfortable ev’ry time I got the cups on too tight.

CH. AGAIN
(Bossy, Bessie, baby, when I milk them like this, and I squeeze them like that,
I can empty their bags, but they’re all coming back to me.
They refill them somehow, that’s because they are cows.
I can take what I need, and they’re still coming back to me.
The splashes and swishes, they’re all coming back to me.
It beats doing dishes -- they’re all coming back to me now.

LAST LINES:
They’re here in the stall, and they’re standing so tall,
I can take what I need, and they’re all coming back to me now.
As I choke back my tears, I’m so glad they’re not steers.
And if we…(Milking noises)
Good girl…

[Top of Page]

Who Let the Hogs Out?

Who let the hogs out? (oink, oink)

We got done with chores and sat down for supper.
I was just digging in with my fork,
When the kitchen door opened, and there stood the big sow and ten piglets
(They) came in and pulled the tablecloth off, and messed up dinner.

Who let the hogs out? (oink, oink) etc.

I said, "Emma, did you leave the gate open to the pig sty?"
And she said, "No, Mylo, not me!”
“You know how the pigs get when they smell you making cheese buttons.
They probably smelled dinner and pushed the gate open themselves.”

Well, by then I thought “No more Mr. Nice Guy.”
Those piglets had to go back outside.
I went to the pantry and got Emma’s big roaster,
You know, the one she uses for (the) Thanksgiving turkey.

Who let the hogs out? (oink, oink)

I ‘d pick up a piglet and I’d toss him in the roaster
(Piglets are in the house, there’s piglets in the house)
I’d put on the cover while I chased the next one.
(Who let the piglets in? Chase them back out again.)

Who let the hogs out? (Oink, oink)

My wife Emma didn’t like it, but I said the roaster was washable,
And I said that I could pound the dents out in the tool shed.

RAP SECTION:
I had three in the roaster and I was grabbing another one
When the sow charged me! She head-butted me and knocked me down.
I dropped the roaster, and that scared the piglets, and they started running all over the house!
They got in the living room and ate my new copy of Ag Week, and I hadn’t even read the auction ads yet.
They left hoofprints on the sofa, chewed the seat cushion on Emma’s rocking chair,
Ate all my jelly beans out of the candy dish,
And left pig exhaust everywhere, if you know what I mean.
Whooooo!

Who let the hogs out? (oink, oink)
Who let the hogs out? (oink, oink)

ROUGH DRAFT MATERIAL FOR “RAP” SECTION:
Well, I grabbed one of the piglets to take it outside,
And that was my first mistake. you know how defensive a
mother gets around her kids. The sow came charging at me,
squealing and oinking, and butted me with her head so hard that I
fell down. I dropped the piglet, and that scared the other piglets,
and they started running all over the house! They got into the living
room and ate my new copy of Ag Week, and I hadn't even read the auction
ads yet; they left hoofprints on the sofa, chewed the seat cushion on
Emma's rocking chair, and left pig exhaust everywhere, if you know what I mean.

Well, by then I thought "No more Mr. Nice Guy", and I decided
to get tough. I ran to the stove and got Emma's big roasting pan,
you know, the one that holds the Thanksgiving turkey, and I started
grabbing piglets the throw outside.
I'd get a hold of one, toss him in the roaster,
put the cover on, and then run to the door and
toss him out. Emma didn't like it, but I told her
the roaster was washable, and I'd pound out the dents in the tool shed.
I had three of them in the roaster when -- here came Mama again (boss Hog?)!
This time she really had her dander up --- do pigs get dandruff? --
Anyway, she head-butted me again, and when I stumbled, she got my boot
laces in her mouth, and pulled, and I went south, and she ate the laces,
And then my boots were just hanging loose: not hanging loose like the
young kids mean, whatever they do mean, but hanging loose because they were hanging loose;
she kept after me, and got my boots in her snout, and ran off into the
spare bedroom with them, and then it was Emma's turn to get mad,
because I didn't get a chance to shower that morning before chores,
and I put dirty socks on because I couldn't find any clean ones,
and I'd been working pretty hard all day, and I guess my feet were really ripe,
and she and the seed salesman -- did I mention that we had company for dinner? --
started yelling that my feet were stinky,

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Walking the Floor for a Ewe

My farm, it was down in the dumps.
Times were bad; I thought I'd lose my rumps.
With prices down, expenses up, and troubles in D.C.,
I was afraid that this old farm would be the death of me.

I thought I'd raise sheep for something new.
I bought a ram, and three nice females, too.
I build them up a sheepfold, and I left them all alone;
I don't know just what happened then, but one of them is gone.

CH.:
Now I'm walking the floor for a ewe.
I can't sleep a wink, that is true.
I started out with three of them, but now there's only two.
I'm walking the floor for a ewe.

The Bible says a shepherd is our Lord,
Who loves His sheep, and is by them adored.
By waters clear, is pastures green, that's where those sheep are sent;
My sheep must not be Christian then, 'cause that's not where she went.

I searched all my pastures and my barns,
I even looked through all my neighbors' farms.
I'm looking high, I'm looking low, I guess my search is vain --
I feel like a Norwegian who is looking for his brain.

CH:
Yes, I'm walking the floor for a ewe.
I should have stuck with cows, that it true.
Just where that sheep has gotten to, I chust don't have a clue.
I'm walking the floor for a ewe.

CH.:
Now I'm walking the floor for a ewe.
I can't sleep a wink, that is true.
I started out with three of them, but now there's only two.
I'm walking the floor for a ewe.
Oh, ja, I’m walking the floor for a ewe.

ALTERNATE CH:
And now I'm walking the floor for a ewe.
My wife was going to make mutton stew,
But now I guess that pork chops will really have to do.
I am walking the floor for a ewe.

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Pickup to Lemmon

V. 1
It’s a school holiday, and there’s no class today,
So we’re driving our pickup to Lemmon.
We should get there by ten, and at noon we’re off again
To the livestock sale out in McLaughlin.
Ooh, doo-be-doo-doo-be, and we’re driving our pickup to Lemmon.

V.2
Now my clock, she says one, but down here it’s only noon,
‘cause you know they are in the wrong time zone.
And the folks are just like us; they ride the big school bus,
And in winter their cars all use Prestone.
Ooh, doo-be-doo-doo-be, and we’re driving our pickup to Lemmon.

NEXT SECTION
Ooh, and we cross the border.
Ja, we cross the border.

V. 3
Oh, the tires all have air, in the back there’s a spare,
And my papa made sure that the oil’s changed.
We brought something to drink, and a road map, I think,
And it’s winter, so we brought a shovel.

Ooh, and we cross the border.
Ooh, here comes the border.

V. 4
This time we had to make a quick stop at the rest stop,
‘Cause Papa drank too much coffee,
But we left early, so even if there is a head wind,
There’s still time to fill the gas tank.

Ooh, there goes the border.
Ja, we’re in Sou Dakota.

V. 5
Things sure are different in Sou Dakota than Nor Dakota;
No, Ja, they’re not the same as at home.
One thing that’s different in Sou Dakota than Nor Dakota:
There’s lots of out-of-state license plates.

FAST PART
And as we drive on down the road,
I see a snake, I see a toad.
My daddy runs over them where they are;
He says, “Them suckers won’t get far.”
And my daddy goes over the speed limit.
When he drives, he is not too timid.
And a highway patrolman gives him a ticket.
Dad says, “I oughta tell him where to sti--” — well, I can’t tell you what he says right now.
He said a bad word – so did I, nearly!
And we’re driving our pickup – to Lemmon.

VERSE 4 ALTERNATE:
We’ll travel south to Sou Dakota from Nor Dakota,
That’s how she lies on the road map/compass.
But we’ll go north to Nor Dakota from Sou Dakota,
‘Cause we’ll be traveling backwards.
OR:
We’ll travel south from Nor Dakota to Sou Dakota;
That’s how she lies on the compass.
Ja, Sou Dakota, she is south of Nor Dakota;
That’s how it got named in the first place.
OR…
This time we had to make a quick stop at the rest stop,
‘Cause Papa drank too much coffee.
But we left early, so even if there is a head wind,
We’ll still get there in plenty…of time.

OPTIONAL SPOKEN INTRO (Probably only for live performance)
I’m a farmer
And, like other farmers, I farm
When you farm, you’re on the farm
But you don’t always stay on the farm; sometimes you take trips.
And when you take a trip, you farm, but you’re not on the farm (ooh – this is deep)
We took a trip once.
A trip is when you go someplace you aren’t.

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